Parenting is so hard! You try your best, you fail, you ask for wisdom and then you try sone more. Yet the result is still the same, your child still does not want to change.
Most of the time, I am too proud to admit defeat, but this time I truly surrender. I don't have a solution to the problem and I honestly don't know how to help my child.
My child has become a habitual liar. She takes the easy way out by lying. I am very concerned over her behaviour and have counselled her many times to no avail. It has become a habit, she doesn't even think twice before she lies. As long as it is convenient, she'll lie.
God help her. God help me. God help us.
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Friday, July 16, 2010
Some people are hard to love
There should be a difference between pleasing God and pleasing man. I know there is. But what if you know that pleasing a certain person also means pleasing God?
Yes, there are certain people with us which if we please/honour them, it also pleases God. Members of our family come to mind, so does our spouses and church leaders. It is easy to honour and pay respect to some people but others.... Sometimes the way they behave just makes us want to tear our hair out! Some people are just not that easy to love!
It'll be good if we can just ignore those above us who rub us the wrong way but sometimes it is not possible especially if they are family.
I suspect God has His purpose in putting us in these 'can't get out of' situations. Because this where we can grow. Iron sharpens iron, remember? It is also in these situations that God reveals to us who we really are, selfish, bitter, uncompromising, prideful, ya, you get the drift! Unpleasant though it may be, but I believe if we surrender to God and confess our sins, not only will He forgive us but He will give us the strength and His agape love to love and honour those whom we love to hate.
Suddenly, I don't feel so bad about myself because I just realized, there is hope for me, yet!
Yes, there are certain people with us which if we please/honour them, it also pleases God. Members of our family come to mind, so does our spouses and church leaders. It is easy to honour and pay respect to some people but others.... Sometimes the way they behave just makes us want to tear our hair out! Some people are just not that easy to love!
It'll be good if we can just ignore those above us who rub us the wrong way but sometimes it is not possible especially if they are family.
I suspect God has His purpose in putting us in these 'can't get out of' situations. Because this where we can grow. Iron sharpens iron, remember? It is also in these situations that God reveals to us who we really are, selfish, bitter, uncompromising, prideful, ya, you get the drift! Unpleasant though it may be, but I believe if we surrender to God and confess our sins, not only will He forgive us but He will give us the strength and His agape love to love and honour those whom we love to hate.
Suddenly, I don't feel so bad about myself because I just realized, there is hope for me, yet!
Thursday, July 15, 2010
Some things need to change
During one of the rare conversations I had with my hubby the other day, the subject of how hospitals handle newborn babies came up.
Usually, unless we have friends in the medical fraternity, we seldom know about what happens to the babies right after they are born. We know they are taken to the nursery where the nurses clean them up, run some tests, give them a few shots etc but we really know for sure what really happens behind the scenes, so to speak.
When Stephanie was warded due to a lung infection, I was in the nursery a lot and I got the opportunity to observe what happens to newborns after they are taken from the labour room. Most newborns cry incessantly, which is understandable considering all that is done to him/her so shortly after being born. But what I could not comprehend is the fact that babies are left naked and alone to cry after everything is done.
It broke my heart to see the helpless babe struggling and crying under the blue light so I asked the staff nurse, "is the baby ill, why did you put her under the blue light?" She was surprised that I thought the baby was ill and said, oh, there's nothing wrong with the baby, she's getting "warmed up" under the light."
It then occured to me that this is standard procedure and that my babies must have all gone through the same harrowing experience minutes after they were born! I can't help but wonder who was the genius who thought that it is better to warm a naked baby under the light than in the comforting arms of her mother?? It is so unnecessary for the baby to be alone and obviously very afraid. I know that some would argue that the new mothers would need their rest, granted but at least the mothers should be given a choice. Even if the mother is too unwell to comfort the baby, I'm sure the babies' fathers or grandmothers would be more than happy to play the role, till the baby is assured and has calmed down.
It is no wonder that the babies are seen to be sleeping quietly when they are finally wheeled to the new parents, because they have exhausted themselves with all the crying!
I'm glad that for all my babies I have chosen to breastfeed totally because generally, the nurses will hand the baby to you within the hour of the birth to let the baby suckle and the milk flowing. So what they do is only a preliminary cleaning and tests and the baby is put in your comforting arms. I suspect that there's also less chance for the baby to cry for long periods.
No wonder home births are now gaining popularity in the west because truly, whatever that happens in the hospital, all the procedures are done for the benefit and conveniece of the hospital, not the patient.
Some things have to change, seriously.
Usually, unless we have friends in the medical fraternity, we seldom know about what happens to the babies right after they are born. We know they are taken to the nursery where the nurses clean them up, run some tests, give them a few shots etc but we really know for sure what really happens behind the scenes, so to speak.
When Stephanie was warded due to a lung infection, I was in the nursery a lot and I got the opportunity to observe what happens to newborns after they are taken from the labour room. Most newborns cry incessantly, which is understandable considering all that is done to him/her so shortly after being born. But what I could not comprehend is the fact that babies are left naked and alone to cry after everything is done.
It broke my heart to see the helpless babe struggling and crying under the blue light so I asked the staff nurse, "is the baby ill, why did you put her under the blue light?" She was surprised that I thought the baby was ill and said, oh, there's nothing wrong with the baby, she's getting "warmed up" under the light."
It then occured to me that this is standard procedure and that my babies must have all gone through the same harrowing experience minutes after they were born! I can't help but wonder who was the genius who thought that it is better to warm a naked baby under the light than in the comforting arms of her mother?? It is so unnecessary for the baby to be alone and obviously very afraid. I know that some would argue that the new mothers would need their rest, granted but at least the mothers should be given a choice. Even if the mother is too unwell to comfort the baby, I'm sure the babies' fathers or grandmothers would be more than happy to play the role, till the baby is assured and has calmed down.
It is no wonder that the babies are seen to be sleeping quietly when they are finally wheeled to the new parents, because they have exhausted themselves with all the crying!
I'm glad that for all my babies I have chosen to breastfeed totally because generally, the nurses will hand the baby to you within the hour of the birth to let the baby suckle and the milk flowing. So what they do is only a preliminary cleaning and tests and the baby is put in your comforting arms. I suspect that there's also less chance for the baby to cry for long periods.
No wonder home births are now gaining popularity in the west because truly, whatever that happens in the hospital, all the procedures are done for the benefit and conveniece of the hospital, not the patient.
Some things have to change, seriously.
Saturday, April 3, 2010
Fighting for my Rights
As I've said in my earlier blogs, I'm quite an easy going person, and since young I've been eager to please. I had to set this part of my personality aside when my youngest was born though.
About 24 hours after my baby Stephanie was born, she was observed to have turned a 'dusky' colour and was put under observation. As such, she was not allowed any food, ie no milk and definitely no breastfeeding and was given glucose (I think) through a tube. I went in to see her and not being allowed to breastfeed her nearly broke my heart.
It was determined later through an x-ray that she had developed an infection in her upper node of her left lung and was put on antibiotics intravenously. The next morning, she had a feeding tube down her throat and it was explained to me that Stephanie cried non-stop in hunger in the middle of the night and the doctor allowed her to be fed with formula milk. As the paediatrician was there, I took the opportunity to inform her that I wanted to breastfeed Stephanie and thankfully her reply was a definite yes.
However, when the doctor left, the nurses told me that I had to choose the brand of milk powder for her so that they could continue to feed her. I stood there in a dazed, confused. I told the nurse, I want to breastfeed. The charge nurse patiently explained the whole situation to me again but I did not give consent because it didn't make sense to me that I had to give formula from then on just because they gave her formula once!
A second nurse again asked me the same question about which brand of formula I wanted for my baby, but this time I was more prepared and said, "I want to breastfeed." She was not happy with my answer and repeated the question, I looked her in the eye (thank God I was much older than her and already a 4th time mother) and said firmly, "No, I want to breastfeed." She hesitated but finally said in resignation, "Ok lah" and wrapped the baby up and handed her to me!
I cannot describe the relief I felt when Stephanie began feeding from my breast after 24 hours! But I knew the battle was not over; after all, due to baby's illness, she had to be in the nursery full time and was at the mercy of the nurses.
When my ob-gyn popped in to have a chat (he charged me RM30 each time he came to 'chat'!), I took the opportunity to complain to him and being pro breastfeeding, he promised to look into the matter. From then on, I knew everything will be alright.
When the nurses called me 3 hours later to feed Stephanie, I was greeted with sour and impatient faces. I beared with their bad attitude cos I knew I was doing the right thing and giving my baby the best. I tried to be as unobtrusive as possible and helped in setting up the screen etc. From then on, I smiled each time I went in, greeted them cheerfully and things improved greatly.
Going into the nursery and staying there for a substantial amount of time helped me to understand why the nurses were not keen for me to breastfeed my baby. For each time I went, they had to wrap the baby up, making sure the tubes and wires weren't in the way, bring a chair, screen and even a pillow for me. Breastfed babies also feed more often and need more frequent diaper changes. By insisting on breastfeeding, I'm actually giving them a lot more work.
As I sat there feeding my baby, I also observed that the nurses were on their feet all the time, they even filled reports while standing up as they had to jot down the readings on the machines. I have new found respect for them.
However, what and how I feed my baby is something I will not compromise. Stephanie was only allowed to go home after 4 days. I'm happy to report that she's now 3 months and 10 days and weighs 7kgs!
About 24 hours after my baby Stephanie was born, she was observed to have turned a 'dusky' colour and was put under observation. As such, she was not allowed any food, ie no milk and definitely no breastfeeding and was given glucose (I think) through a tube. I went in to see her and not being allowed to breastfeed her nearly broke my heart.
It was determined later through an x-ray that she had developed an infection in her upper node of her left lung and was put on antibiotics intravenously. The next morning, she had a feeding tube down her throat and it was explained to me that Stephanie cried non-stop in hunger in the middle of the night and the doctor allowed her to be fed with formula milk. As the paediatrician was there, I took the opportunity to inform her that I wanted to breastfeed Stephanie and thankfully her reply was a definite yes.
However, when the doctor left, the nurses told me that I had to choose the brand of milk powder for her so that they could continue to feed her. I stood there in a dazed, confused. I told the nurse, I want to breastfeed. The charge nurse patiently explained the whole situation to me again but I did not give consent because it didn't make sense to me that I had to give formula from then on just because they gave her formula once!
A second nurse again asked me the same question about which brand of formula I wanted for my baby, but this time I was more prepared and said, "I want to breastfeed." She was not happy with my answer and repeated the question, I looked her in the eye (thank God I was much older than her and already a 4th time mother) and said firmly, "No, I want to breastfeed." She hesitated but finally said in resignation, "Ok lah" and wrapped the baby up and handed her to me!
I cannot describe the relief I felt when Stephanie began feeding from my breast after 24 hours! But I knew the battle was not over; after all, due to baby's illness, she had to be in the nursery full time and was at the mercy of the nurses.
When my ob-gyn popped in to have a chat (he charged me RM30 each time he came to 'chat'!), I took the opportunity to complain to him and being pro breastfeeding, he promised to look into the matter. From then on, I knew everything will be alright.
When the nurses called me 3 hours later to feed Stephanie, I was greeted with sour and impatient faces. I beared with their bad attitude cos I knew I was doing the right thing and giving my baby the best. I tried to be as unobtrusive as possible and helped in setting up the screen etc. From then on, I smiled each time I went in, greeted them cheerfully and things improved greatly.
Going into the nursery and staying there for a substantial amount of time helped me to understand why the nurses were not keen for me to breastfeed my baby. For each time I went, they had to wrap the baby up, making sure the tubes and wires weren't in the way, bring a chair, screen and even a pillow for me. Breastfed babies also feed more often and need more frequent diaper changes. By insisting on breastfeeding, I'm actually giving them a lot more work.
As I sat there feeding my baby, I also observed that the nurses were on their feet all the time, they even filled reports while standing up as they had to jot down the readings on the machines. I have new found respect for them.
However, what and how I feed my baby is something I will not compromise. Stephanie was only allowed to go home after 4 days. I'm happy to report that she's now 3 months and 10 days and weighs 7kgs!
Sunday, January 10, 2010
The Stork Has Arrived!
I was very heavy, literally, my knees were aching, I couldn't sleep and I was complaining to anyone who cared to listen. If there wasn't anyone around to make sympathetic noises, I brought my grouses to FaceBook! Of course, the ears of my Heavenly Father were not spared. Each time my hubby asked me if there's anything to pray for, I said, "Pray that the baby will come out soon, I cannot tahan already." To my baby, I said, "Come out quickly ya, don't grow anymore inside, grow outside and I'll give you nen-nen."
My ex-roommate called me from Hong Kong after reading about my groanings and moanings on Facebook and we had a good long chat and she parted with, "The baby will come out tonight, because I called you!"
Thank God for listening to His children's prayers for I woke up at 3am on 22 DEC 2009 with mild contractions. After going to the toilet, I discovered blood stains on my underwear. I wondered, is this it? At 4 am I had to empty my bowels and contractions were still 10 mins apart, still mild.
At 5am, I took a shower and washed my hair (SOP for moms who will be delivering babies for the idea is, there'll be no more washing of hair for the next 30 days!) Woke my hubby at 5.30am. Contractions still about 10 mins apart. Should I go to the hospital? I heard that since it's the 4th baby, one should not wait too long to get to the hospital. I certainly didn't want to end up giving birth in the car and I didn't want to get stuck in the morning traffic.
So we drove to the hospital at about 6.30am and was admitted at 7am. The nurse inspected me and said, only 2cm and your cervix still very thick. Oh blow! They advised me to wait for my Obstetrician, Dr Goh. In the meantime, I took to walking around the room to strengthen the contractions. Hubby took out his laptop and cellphone and got on with his work!
Dr Goh came in a little after 9am. He put on his gloves and I thought he would give me an inspection and announce his verdict. But no, after he fiddled around I felt a warm gush and I screamed in my head, "He broke my waters, without asking permission!!!!" After that, he came up and said, "let's put you on the drip and get it going." I pleaded with him, and he said, " You wanna wait until the cows come home ah?"
I was duly induced and less than 2 hours later, at 10:58, Stephanie Sim Rong Xuan was born!
My ex-roommate called me from Hong Kong after reading about my groanings and moanings on Facebook and we had a good long chat and she parted with, "The baby will come out tonight, because I called you!"
Thank God for listening to His children's prayers for I woke up at 3am on 22 DEC 2009 with mild contractions. After going to the toilet, I discovered blood stains on my underwear. I wondered, is this it? At 4 am I had to empty my bowels and contractions were still 10 mins apart, still mild.
At 5am, I took a shower and washed my hair (SOP for moms who will be delivering babies for the idea is, there'll be no more washing of hair for the next 30 days!) Woke my hubby at 5.30am. Contractions still about 10 mins apart. Should I go to the hospital? I heard that since it's the 4th baby, one should not wait too long to get to the hospital. I certainly didn't want to end up giving birth in the car and I didn't want to get stuck in the morning traffic.
So we drove to the hospital at about 6.30am and was admitted at 7am. The nurse inspected me and said, only 2cm and your cervix still very thick. Oh blow! They advised me to wait for my Obstetrician, Dr Goh. In the meantime, I took to walking around the room to strengthen the contractions. Hubby took out his laptop and cellphone and got on with his work!
Dr Goh came in a little after 9am. He put on his gloves and I thought he would give me an inspection and announce his verdict. But no, after he fiddled around I felt a warm gush and I screamed in my head, "He broke my waters, without asking permission!!!!" After that, he came up and said, "let's put you on the drip and get it going." I pleaded with him, and he said, " You wanna wait until the cows come home ah?"
I was duly induced and less than 2 hours later, at 10:58, Stephanie Sim Rong Xuan was born!
Thursday, November 19, 2009
The Waiting Game
I'm officially 34 weeks today. This means that I have 6 weeks left till my baby's estimated due date or commonly known as EDD. For those who are curious, my baby is due on New Year's Day 2010!
When I tell people the EDD, I usually get a really excited response from them. I on the other hand, am pretty blase about the whole issue because, none of my babies have ever arrived on their EDD. More often, they'll be late, and I end up being put on the drip, induced.
This time around, I'm really praying for a textbook kind of delivery, you know, the type that starts with a "show" or the breaking of the water bag, then the contractions come clearly and regularly until it reaches 5 minutes apart, and then, I can grab my overnight bag and head for the door.
The last 3 deliveries have been pretty mundane affairs where I was driven to the hospital, walked to the delivery ward, changed, shaved and given an enema, then climbed on the bed and then given the drip. Then I waited and waited for the contractions to come and the progress would be slow till the dr broke the water bag and then the pain would come. It's really not my idea of a pleasant experience.
But now, I'm patiently waiting, although life is really uncomfortable for me now; imagine, this is one time when it is actually more comfortable to sleep in a sitting position than on my back or side! The Braxton Hicks type of contractions is almost a daily occurrence and they are getting more intense. I actually have to stop whatever I'm doing and wait for it to tide over. At the same time, I'm also getting excited, I wonder if this baby will decide to come out early?
Not yet baby, at least 4 more weeks.
When I tell people the EDD, I usually get a really excited response from them. I on the other hand, am pretty blase about the whole issue because, none of my babies have ever arrived on their EDD. More often, they'll be late, and I end up being put on the drip, induced.
This time around, I'm really praying for a textbook kind of delivery, you know, the type that starts with a "show" or the breaking of the water bag, then the contractions come clearly and regularly until it reaches 5 minutes apart, and then, I can grab my overnight bag and head for the door.
The last 3 deliveries have been pretty mundane affairs where I was driven to the hospital, walked to the delivery ward, changed, shaved and given an enema, then climbed on the bed and then given the drip. Then I waited and waited for the contractions to come and the progress would be slow till the dr broke the water bag and then the pain would come. It's really not my idea of a pleasant experience.
But now, I'm patiently waiting, although life is really uncomfortable for me now; imagine, this is one time when it is actually more comfortable to sleep in a sitting position than on my back or side! The Braxton Hicks type of contractions is almost a daily occurrence and they are getting more intense. I actually have to stop whatever I'm doing and wait for it to tide over. At the same time, I'm also getting excited, I wonder if this baby will decide to come out early?
Not yet baby, at least 4 more weeks.
Saturday, October 3, 2009
The New Raya
We had the privileged of being hosted by our neighbours for a post Raya makan earlier in the day. We received the invitation via SMS a few days ago and I was excited with the prospect of some good homemade rendang, lemang, lontong etc. Mentally I also went through my wardrobe to see what I could wear that would be appropriate for the occasion. You see, last year, in another neighbour's Raya party, anticipating a hot and humid makan session under the canopy, I made the mistake of wearing something sleeveless with long pants and incurred the displeasure of my kind hostess (it was very apparent on her face). Chiding myself for my insensitivity, I determined not to make the same mistake, ever.
So this year, being heavily pregnant, therefore even more prone to overheating, I chose a modest dress and with my hubby and the brood in tow, traipse across the road to my neighbors'. After exchanging pleasantries, we were ushered to the dining table. To my utmost surprise and slight disappointment, not a single lemang was in sight, nor was there any dodol or traditional kuih except the layer cake. Instead, we had some good assam laksa, roti jala with chicken curry and amazingly, spagetti bolognese!
Nevertheless, conversation flowed and we had a good time getting to know one another and were grateful for their invitation. They are very "modern" people with nary a piece of classic furniture. Their decor was quite minimalist with clean lines and soothing, earthy colours.
It was altogether a very pleasant afternoon and we hope to reciprocate soon. I'm just sad that knowing their sensitivities, I can't offer them any of my cakes or cookies.
So this year, being heavily pregnant, therefore even more prone to overheating, I chose a modest dress and with my hubby and the brood in tow, traipse across the road to my neighbors'. After exchanging pleasantries, we were ushered to the dining table. To my utmost surprise and slight disappointment, not a single lemang was in sight, nor was there any dodol or traditional kuih except the layer cake. Instead, we had some good assam laksa, roti jala with chicken curry and amazingly, spagetti bolognese!
Nevertheless, conversation flowed and we had a good time getting to know one another and were grateful for their invitation. They are very "modern" people with nary a piece of classic furniture. Their decor was quite minimalist with clean lines and soothing, earthy colours.
It was altogether a very pleasant afternoon and we hope to reciprocate soon. I'm just sad that knowing their sensitivities, I can't offer them any of my cakes or cookies.
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