Parenting

There are many different styles of parenting, some are dominating, some passive or permissive. But the ones I don't get are the MIA (aka Missing In Action) parents.

It is a phenomenon that is increasingly happening in Malaysia where parents leave their children with their grandparents in their hometowns and husband and wife stay in the cities to work. Those whose hometowns are near the cities visit their children once a week but some children only get to see their parents maybe 3 to 4 times a year.

I suppose they are taking a leaf from their counterparts from Indonesia and the Philippines who for decades have had to leave their children in their home countries to eke out a living under hostile conditions in neighbouring countries.

I can understand if one is working as a maid and therefore quite impossible to bring your children to live with you; or perhaps you stay in the company hostel or in the construction site where it is not conducive living for children. But the MIA parents that I'm talking about are middle class professionals who live comfortably in fancy houses, drive fancy cars but somehow do not have the capacity or dare I say inclination, to take care of their children.

Perhaps they think that their kampungs/hometowns are better places to bring up children and so they leave their children there; but my question is what about their role as parents? Is it only to bring the children to the world and provide materially for them? Will we one day see children who only know their parents by name, not by deed and who are not emotionally attached to them? Will we one day see professional child care centres that operate 24/7, like old folks homes, and parents only see their children when it is convenient?

Will there be a day when true parenting skills are lost or worse, no longer relevant?

Temptations

Temptations come in many forms and for different people, it's different things. Most, if not all fall in 3 broad categories; lust of the eyes, which includes temptations that appeal to the eyes, usually things that we covet; lust of the flesh, food and sex comes quickly to mind and the lust of power.

When I was younger, I struggled a lot with the first 2 temptations. There are many things I want and keeping my mind and body pure was a daily struggle. Not being particularly ambitious, the lust of power held no power over me.

Now that I'm in my late 30's, I have learnt many lessons. I have learnt to be contented in my circumstances, whether having little or a lot. Being married has also largely taken care of my second struggle! So now, temptations come to me in the 3rd form, fame and power.

I've always believed myself to be intelligent and that there are great things in store for me. Although I am contented to be a stay at home mom, my pride wants me to be recognised for more than that. I want to do great things that will earn people's respect and admiration! But till now, I've not found my niche!

These past 2 years have been quite hectic for me, being involved in many ministries in church. There are times when I felt guilty about neglecting my children but I brushed it off, convincing myself that I'm serving the Lord, of course the enemy will try to derail me.

When God gave me the baby, I knew I need to stop. Perhaps my time to shine is not yet come. As soon as I was at peace with my decision, I got a phone call from a person whom I respect very much in church who gave me a very tempting proposition, that if I handle it well, the potential to be recognised and known throughout a certain segment of people in the country is very high.

Temptations.

For a while I was very tempted to say yes; but I'm glad my mind was not too fogged up with my visions of grandeur. The person told me t think about it, but I know very well what my answer should be.

He Provides

I've said in my earlier blogs that I'm excited to see how God is going to provide for me and my baby this time around. And I can tell you that His blessings are pouring in.

First of all, I'm receiving tremendous support and love from the people around me, my friends and especially my home fellowship members. They have called me up to encourage me, prayed for me and even offered to cook special dishes for me!

Also, I've received 2 big bags of maternity clothes, all beautiful and in very good condition. I must admit that through my 3 pregnancies, I've never had such nice maternity clothes! I've not had to buy anything so far!

I'm only 8 weeks pregnant and I'm trusting Him to provide everything I need as the weeks go by. I'm especially praying that He will provide me a good and reliable confinement lady to help me out when the baby arrives! God is GOOD!!

I'm an Extrovert

I used to think that being an extrovert just means someone who talks a lot and who likes to be in company with other people. That is just one part of being an extrovert. A few years ago, I found that an extrovert also derives their energy from the people around them.

I could be dead tired an home, not wanting to say a word, just contented to lie around and vegetate. And when asked to do something, I'd say I'm too tired. If I could, I would even back out of a party or gathering. I would be convinced that I was too tired to socialise.

However, if someone were to call me then, I would immediately become animated; I would spring to life basically! And if I had to attend a gathering or be in the company of friends (not immediate family members) I would still manage to be the life of the party; even though I had said 10 minutes earlier that I was sooo tired!

I used to wonder what was wrong with me, am I such hypochondriac? Or worse, a hypocrite? I wonder what my husband thought of me, was I a liar? Or was I just too lazy to do anything at home but put me in other's company and I become a live wire?

But at least now I understand, I'm an extrovert and I derive my energy from the people around me. Now I don't feel so bad about myself anymore.

Growing Up

Many times I wish that I'm not so emotionally tied up with all the people around me. I wish that I'm more thick skinned, like my hubby who let comments slide like water off a duck's back. I wish I am not so easily affected by the people around me, because the fact is, if you are in a bad mood and if I get near you, I'd get upset too, whether you say anything to me or not!

Like a dog, I'm also eager to please and many times, I do it in the expense of my own time and convenience. Sometimes, in my eagerness, I make mistakes and in the end, land me in trouble instead.

But I think I'm learning. It's taking a long time but after getting hurt many times, I've learnt that sometimes, being nice doesn't pay. And, some people, will never appreciate what I have done.

Relationships 1

We (Mothers' Support Group Puchong) had the privilege of listening to one of our church pastors share about what makes men tick this morning. It was a most interesting hour and I learnt much from his candid sharing.

First and foremost, we were informed that men generally regard sex as their number 1 need! Although it shouldn't come as a surprise, yet hearing it from a pastor still gave me a slight jolt. The other 4 things in the list were, recreational companionship, attractive spouse, domestic support and admiration (read:stroking his ego).

Just studying the list made me tired because it seems to involve a lot of 'doing' on the wives' part. First we must give them sexual fulfillment, then we have to be their 'buddies' meaning play with them, could be watching sports or fishing etc; on top of that, we have to make sure that we stay attractive while taking care of the children and domestic needs like cooking and cleaning and ironing and last but not least, we need to regularly massage their egos!

But my pastor assures us that men are simple creatures, as long as we learn how to press the correct buttons at the correct time, everything will fall into place. Hmmm....

Chores

The children didn't have to go to school today because their school had their Annual Sports Day yesterday (Sunday) and so today was declared a school holiday. Yay! I totally enjoyed sleeping in till 8am, otherwise, I'm usually forced to get up at 6am if it's a school day.

The best thing that happened today was all the 3 helped out at home in one way or another. Lucas watered the plants and took out the rubbish; Janine swept the floor (tried to) and Hannah folded the laundry and cut the vegetables for lunch. Amazingly, they all did it without murmuring or complaining. It was great!

Some of you may wonder what's the big deal, it's just a few easy chores. Maybe, but for our family, it's a huge achievement. I'm not a natural teacher and I find teaching a huge stress. That's why, up till now, I've not been able to train my children to do anything much just because I lose my temper almost every time I tried!

I know I have only myself to blame, but really, my eldest is already 11 this year and changing myself has been a very long and slow process. Nevertheless, there is some progress and today was the evidence of that. Thank you, Lord!

Breastfeeding

A schoolmate of mine called me up today and asked me questions about breastfeeding. According to her, I'm the only one she knows who has actually breastfed long enough to have any real knowledge about the subject!

Shocking isn't it, when in some societies, where breastfeeding is the norm, one would just have to turn to one's mother or aunt and all questions will be answered. Here, we can't ask our mums the same questions because in most cases, our mums belonged to the 'enlightened' generation of condoms and The Pill and of course the milk bottle.

The situation is so bad that I've had my aunts who called me up to ask me about the intricacies of breastfeeding because their daughter/daughter in law were having trouble with it! Now, having trouble with breastfeeding is a common thing, I've had trouble along the way too, but the irony is the older generation is asking the questions because they don't have the knowledge as they have never done it themselves!

But thanks to the efforts of the medical fraternity, who have unabashedly spoken out time and again about the benefits of breastfeeding, I am seeing many women taking up the challenge. Admittedly, some do better than others, but for me, some progress is better than none.

Children

What does having children mean to you? For some people, it's a simple act of sealing their love for each other. For others it might be an 'investment' for the future, they hope that their children will take care of them when they grow old. There are some I know who view children as 'burdens' and have decided not to have them at all, preferring to just be with each other.

For me though, having children is not only a great responsibility, it is also a mandate from God. God's 1st command to Adam and Eve was not to eat of the fruit of the Tree of Knowledge and Evil; but his 2nd command to them is to be fruitful and multiply. So as long as one decides to get married, in my opinion, having children becomes a mandate to be fulfilled.

Secondly, having children is also a means of extending God's kingdom. Many times I have marveled at the modern mighty men and women of God, like the Wesley brothers, Rev Dr Billy Graham, Katherine Kuhlman and so on; more people in the world have heard of Jesus because their parents decided to have them and subsequently brought them up in the ways of God.

And so for me, that is my prayer, that God will use my children to change the world! I may not be an evangelist like Reinhart Bonke, a healer like Katherine Kuhlman but maybe, one of my children will be.

My church leaders believe that in the near future, our children will minister to the older generation, I can't wait!

Family

My loving family, due to their great love and concern for me, often question my wisdom and timing in my pregnancies. When I had my first baby, I was too young, too immature. When I had number 2, the gap was too near, what's wrong with me? When I had number 3, it was, you already have a girl and a boy, why are you having a 3rd one? What are you doing to yourself? Now that I'm pregnant with number 4, it's-don't you think 4 is too many? Isn't the gap too big?

Frankly, I fail to grasp their concerns. After all, I'm not living with them nor am I financially dependent on them, so I don't see why such a fuss. In fact, it irks me greatly because, I find their remarks downright condescending.

My brother tells me that I shouldn't let people's opinions bother me if I am confident of my beliefs and firm in my stand. But I don't think it has anything to do with that; instead it has everything to do with what I think is their opinion of me.

Being the youngest in the family, I've always been treated as a pest, being immature and irrational. I am indeed very different from my family members who 3 out of 5 are insufferable choleric and melancholy, whereas I am a carefree sanguine and phlegmatic combo. So naturally, they cannot fathom what goes through my mind!

Even the way I regard my faith and the way I live out my beliefs is vastly different from them, even though we believe in the same God! Me and babies being a case in point. Where they can see all the impracticalities of having babies, I excite in seeing God's provision and grace in our lives.

But one thing that my brother said did make sense, and that is they are my family and they care for my welfare. I should cherish all that because eventually, there will come a day when they have all passed on, and all will be gone.

And so, I forgive them.

Time to Boast

I'm really thankful for my son. He's only 9 years old but lately, he has done many things that warmed my heart. Of course he has his flaws and irritating habits but overall, he has been a big help and a sweetheart.

Among my 3 kids, he was the first to know about my pregnancy because I chose to tell him first, knowing he would not spread it around; not because he is great at keeping secrets, but because I knew the news wouldn't impact him much and he would soon forget about it. I was right.

He was really sweet when I said that he would have to help out more at home, especially when the baby arrives; instead of protesting or at least making a face, he said, "But I only know how to mop the floor wor..."

He's also the only one who does his chores without comment and will answer cheerfully with an "OK!" when I tell him it's time to throw out the rubbish or water the plants, or please can he wash my plate?

At this juncture, I should perhaps balance out my gushing with a realistic write up about everything about my son that needs improvement... but I won't. I know very well that he's not perfect but for this rare moment, I'm choosing to only remember all that's lovely about him.

Big Deal

It seems that in this day and age, having a 4th baby is quite a big deal. Now that my pregnancy is no longer a secret, it's actually quite amusing to see and hear the reaction from my friends and family.

Most of their expressions can be categorised into shock and disbelief, maybe even disgust and the other, genuine support and joy for me and my family.

For the former, I understand where they are coming from if they haven't yet put their trust in Jesus, after all, to nurture a child till he/she is a responsible adult is no mean feat, and without help from a Higher Being, it can be quite overwhelming.

No, I'm talking about those who profess to have faith in Christ yet when they heard about my pregnancy, speak to me in a chastising tone of voice. It is during times like this when I truly wish God had given me a thick skin to weather this type of remarks. But the fact is I am a highly sensitive person and find these kinds of negative remarks very hurtful. It is especially hard to get over because it is spoken by people who are supposed to love me.

But get over I must because no matter what the person says, I will rejoice in the Lord for the new life He has given me and my family. I firmly believe that every life and death is determined by God and that this baby is NOT an accident, but has been planned by God Himself since time began.

So there.

Kids

It's been ages since I last baked. Ever since the effects of the pregnancy kicked in, I've been struggling to keep up with my daily routine, which means just doing the essentials.

I pity my 3 kids, they have been taking kaya/peanut butter/strawberry jam sandwiches to school every day. So far they haven't complained but I found that they have been taking less and less sandwiches to school. Poor things.

My kids have been gems so far. They have been helpful and sensitive to my predicament, helping out with the housework, etc with minimal murmuring, which is really quite extraordinary! I really thank God for them, and I hope they will continue to improve as time goes by!

Assets

Today was another lazy Sunday afternoon and after my nap, it's compulsory nowadays, I turn on the idiot box, and caught the Taiwanese show "Guess, Guess, Guess". The 2nd segment of the show was about young ladies with big assets, physical ones, not the monetary kind. None of them were over 25 years old, and certainly still very single and fancy free.

The show caught my attention immediately because having no assets myself, I've always been envious of women who do. But these girls were quite exceptional as they were also slim and beautiful and their figures were all natural. All of them were 32E!!

As I listened to their stories, I was amazed to hear how one of the girls, Doris, took 2 hours each day pampering her 'babies' to keep them in tip top condition. Not only that, she wasn't quite satisfied with her 32E and is trying other means to increase it to 32F!

I was flabbergasted, 2 hours a day!! Honestly, if you tell me that I can increase my cup size from A to E by doing some exercises for 2 hours each day, I'm not sure I'd be willing to do it! Although I'm vain and having a cleavage would be nice, but 2 hours is a bit too much, don't you think? If you add that up, that's 60 hours a month and 30 days a year! Imagine spending a whole month staring and touching and massaging and goodness knows what else, to maintain one's breasts! All that, just for the sake of vanity, which the Bible teaches is here today, gone tomorrow.

I don't know about the rest of you, but I've got better things to do! Like baking a good chocolate cake and then eating it!

His Provision

One of the exciting things for me when I'm pregnant is seeing how God will provide for me and my family. This being my 4th pregnancy, I can safely vouch that God has never failed to provide for us.


My 1st baby was completely paid for my hubby's previous company, including check ups, delivery and hospitalisation. Number 2 was conceived when hubby was retrenched but when we discovered the pregnancy, he was offered a new job with better perks and pay. When number 3 was born, again, hubby received a promotion and pay and perks were subsequently topped up. Further more, I received many hand me downs that were still in perfect condition and even managed to buy a baby cot for RM50 from a garage sale!

So now with baby number 4, I wonder how God is going to provide because for one thing, circumstances have again changed for us as hubby has just established his own business and things have not yet settled down, ie we haven't seen money rolling in as yet! However, I'm not the least bit worried because I've seen how God works. As it is, my maternity clothes have been provided for by my cousin, so I don't have to spend any money there. And I'm sure, as time goes by, more things will come.

The only thing that I'm worried about now is that the baby will probably arrive smack in the middle of Chinese New Year celebrations. Just how will I be able to find a reasonably priced confinement lady? For that, I'll just have to look to my Provider again!

Hope

The days are really warm and I feel really lazy and heavy. If not for the hunger pangs, I would gladly just lie on my back, preferably in an air-conditioned room and snooze the day away.

Unfortunately, I do not have that luxury. But I'm trying my best though, every spare minute that I have, I'd lie down and close my eyes. I feel infinitely better and it soothes the nausea somewhat.

But the danger in doing that is I may oversleep because I usually have to pick up one child from somewhere or the other. Otherwise, I sometimes find myself rushing off with sleep still in my eyes. It's a dangerous situation to be in when one is driving, more so if there are other passengers in the car.

I'm blaming all this on my pregnancy of course. It's still early days yet and I truly hope my situation will improve once I enter my 2nd trimester. I don't think it's very healthy for me or the baby to keep snoozing this way. I need to exercise to keep my body toned so that the delivery will be smoother and the recovery faster.

But at this juncture, I really can't help myself.

Falling Apart!

Not me, but my house seems to be. Yesterday, I blogged about the hole in my roof, today, something entirely different happened. I had just finished using the toilet downstairs and I made my way to the sofa to have a lie down (I'm forever lying down these days). As I lay there with my book, I suddenly heard loud crackling and popping sounds. When I got up to investigate, turned out that 8 tiles in the bathroom, spontaneously decided to self destruct!

The broken tiles laid there on the bathroom floor in a mess and all I could think of was, "thank God I wasn't sitting on the toilet when it happened!" because if I were, I would have been directly in the line of fire, so to speak, when the tiles popped!

I don't think the tiles have stabilized cos throughout the day, I could still hear sporadic popping sounds, I think more tiles might fall off but there's nothing we can do about it! Looks like I'd have to give handyman Charles another call soon! Sigh.

He Really Cares!

It's been really hot for the past few weeks, with nary a drop of rain. The temperature has been registering 38 degrees Celsius and there's no respite even when the sun went down. As a result, I've been uttering a silent prayer throughout the past 2 weeks, that God would bring rain.

Little did I know the reason for the dry weather. Our roof was in shambles and we didn't even know it. Our neighbour whose house sits on higher ground saw the terrible condition of our roof and alerted my husband. He even invited my husband to view the damage from his upstairs bedroom. Prior to this, we have never spoken to each other before and on that day, we got to know him as Mok.

My husband was aghast at the condition of our roof, being Mr Cool , I was surprised that he started to look for a roof specialist straightaway. Remembering Handyman Charles who used to work in our church, I decided to call him as he came highly recommended as he even managed to solve the notorious leaks in our High Court Building.

Charles came yesterday, climbed up, took a look and said the damage was extensive. As the adhesive that was supposed to hold the tiles in place have cracked, the tiles have dislocated and there was a gaping hole in our roof! There were other damages of course and Charles and his assistant, set to work. Within 2 hours and a half hours, he announced that the problem is solved and our roof is now good as new.

That very night, it rained.

The next day, which is today, it poured.

I truly thank God for His love and care for me and my family. All this made us wonder, if we had fixed our roof earlier, maybe we would not have had to endure the scorching past weeks.....

Then and Now

I was born and bred in Taiping, Perak. It's a quaint little town, with everything that you could possibly need, 20 years ago, while I was growing up. There were a cinemas to go to although the blockbusters took its time to get there. There were also a few supermarkets around town, although you can forget about getting the latest fashion. Those days, one was considered fashionable if one wore 'Applemints' jeans and if you were my mom's age, 'Dolly'.

Food was pretty good, cheap too. But you need to know where to go because the best places are often hidden. My parents weren't into eating out so I grew up not knowing nor appreciating the great food in Taiping. It was not until I was much older, when my friends got their motorcycle licences that I was introduced to some of the gems. Sad part was, during that time, I didn't have much money nor appreciation for food, so eating out was more of social indulgence for me instead of a gastronomic one.

I left Taiping to further my studies, as did my older siblings. Although I came back to Malaysia after my tertiary education, lack of career opportunities saw me and my husband settling down in the capital city instead.

Eventually, my parents sold off their house in Taiping and came down to join us. They now live nearby. So now there's no reason for me to go back to Taiping any more. The last time we went back was when we drove my mum back to exercise her right to vote, on 18 March 2008. My mum stayed with her friend and we stayed in a hotel.

That night, I stayed up till 2am to watch the unfolding of history, when the Opposition Party took hold of 5 states in the country. I remember going to sleep not totally comprehending what the future entailed.

The next morning, we went out for breakfast and the mood in town was one of cautious optimism. There was a quiet hope in the air. People wanted to believe that the future is going to be better and brighter with a new government.

But that was one year ago. The endless politicking and bickering has worn me out. I can only say that I'm glad I don't live in Perak anymore.

Sacrifice

When a woman chooses to have a child, she is choosing the greatest sacrifice of her life. This is because having a baby mean sacrificing her body to carry the baby within. After conception and as soon as the baby is implanted onto the walls of the uterus, the baby begin to receive nourishment from the mother's body. It is for this reason that my obstetrician used to tell me, "there's no such thing as a malnourished baby, a malnourished mother, yes, but not a malnourished baby."

With a baby growing within, a woman's body slowly but surely changes. Some rejoice as they watch their breasts fill out but despair when they see their thighs doing the same. Stretch marks are almost a given thing and some women develop terrible allergies. Backaches, insomnia, nausea, the list goes on. For many women, even as they fight to get above these irritations, they are expected to perform their duties at home and work fully, no excuses.

I've only described the physical part of pregnancy, what about the emotional and mental upheaval that a woman goes through when she finds out that she's with child? She constantly worries whether the baby will be ok. She wonders if her husband still loves her and finds her attractive when she's got her head in the toilet bowl most mornings. Some worry about the expenses that a baby will bring.

When the day finally dawns for the baby to meet his/her parents, the woman's body again goes through another upheaval. The PAIN is indescribable, the backache that accompanies when the baby is pressing against the backbone, the contractions, the anguish of the moment. Everything comes to a head and time stands still until with a whoosh, and the baby is out!

If you think that's the end of your suffering, sorry to disappoint you, there's more to come. Think the stitches on the perineum, the cracked nipples during breastfeeding, which I think is even more painful than childbirth itself, the ongoing fatigue etc.

Sacrifice? You bet!

Invasion!

My body's not mine anymore! It's going all weird and I can't seem to control it. It seems like I'm hungry all the time but after eating I feel nauseous. But so far, I haven't puked yet. Last night, I had dinner after 8pm, and ate a full portion of Char Siew Fan. My indigestion lasted till 6am and so did my insomnia!

I thought, ok, maybe the rice was too heavy, so after church this morning, I had Koay Teow Soup, again a full portion because it was already almost 1pm. Again, indigestion struck, but thankful this time, it went away after 5pm.

I've never had indigestion from the above 2 items before, not even during my previous 3 pregnancies. In fact, I seldom suffered from indigestion because I'm practically a dustbin and can stomach most food quite well. Not anymore.

Of course, I'm blaming it all on my growing baby within! He/she must be giving out all these hormones that is altering my body as I know it! It's amazing how something so small can cause such cataclysmic changes in me. I can't imagine what it's going to be like when the baby comes out!

4th Chance

It's funny how a thin little blue life can change your life in a flash, isn't it?

I'm talking about the little blue line on the home pregnancy test. Yep, I'm going to have a baby, for the 4th time! The feeling is surreal, 1 minute we were planning what we were going to do for that day, the next minute I was staring at the little blue line in disbelief.

At the moment, according to my calculations, I should be about 6 weeks into my pregnancy, which means baby would be due sometime in January next year, 2010. I'm already feeling the effects of the pregnancy, with the usual 2 hourly hunger pangs, tiredness after meals and even slight nausea. And that reminds me, I've got to start looking for maternity wear and baby paraphernalia. It's been 7 years and I've practically given away everything.

Truth be told, I'm a bit apprehensive about having a baby after 7 years, at the age of 37. But as I think about it, perhaps God sees fit that we be parents again the 4th time. Perhaps we'll be able to be better parents the 4th time around. I honestly have no idea, but I do know that through it all, may God be glorified, His will be done!

Soldier On!

I have a bad habit, I'm a quitter. I don't like things to be too hard, because if I think it's too hard, I'd surely give up. I quit piano lessons because by grade 7 I didn't have the interest nor inclination to put in the hours of practice that was required to pass the exams. I passed all the theory papers, but not the practical! To this day, my regret is not because I gave up piano ( I really didn't like it, I still don't) but because I don't have a certificate that I can show off to people!

There's one thing that I didn't give up though, and it's something I'm very proud of, and that's breastfeeding. I was determined to breastfeed my first child right from the start. I was so confident that there was not a baby bottle nor baby formula in the house! I didn't receive much encouragement from my family, but I didn't receive any discouragements either. I suppose, for a typical Chinese family, that's considered encouragement already!

I remembered that it was really tough. I didn't know what to do most of the time, I wasn't aware how much the baby was drinking, whether she was full or whatever. As my ob-gyn told me, "just put the baby to the breast when the baby cries, one day probably 15-16 times." So I soldiered on, in spite of the sleepless nights, the excruciatingly painful nipples. I remember vividly the pain and the tears that rolled down my cheeks each time the baby suckled. I really thank God that those days went by really quickly and I somehow I survived!

Now, when things start to get tough, I remind myself of my first breastfeeding episode and tell myself, "Girl, if you can go through that, you can go through this too!" And with God on my side, I certainly can!

Having Fun

When was the last time you had fun? I mean real fun that allowed you to let your hair down, be yourself and laughed till you cried, maybe?

I can't remember when was the last time I had uninhibited fun. Life has not been really fun for me ever since I finished my studies and became an 'adult'. Perhaps it is due to the Melancholy side of me which makes me take things more seriously, whether the issue deserves it or not.

You know what they say, "all work and no play makes Jane a dull girl" and I honestly believe that's what I've become. I've lost my sense of fun, to the extend that I tell my children, "you want to have fun, go to papa, don't come to me."

But that's not what life's meant to be is it? When Jesus said, "I've come so that they (read: those who believe in Him) may have life, and have it to the full." (John 10:10b), I believe He meant to give us a life that is rich with meaning and purpose. I believe this means a life that is rich with laughter and fun too.

So from now on I'm going to look for fun, and have it, within limits of course. I'm going to smile and laugh and who cares if it gives me wrinkles and laugh lines. Join me today!

Four Letter Words

It's a four letter word that evokes almost as much emotion as the other more famous four letter word that starts with F. I have never used the F-word, (not that I remember anyway) but I've used the other four letter word numerous times, sometimes more than once a day.

The word that I'm talking about is B-U-S-Y. Because of this word, I find myself telling my daughter to keep quiet and eat her lunch/dinner as we need to go off somewhere and we are running late. Because of this word too that I told my friend that I couldn't visit her and her newborn baby. This is also the word my hubby uses when I asked him if he's gone to top up the bank account so that I can pay the bills. This word is so easily bandied about that sometimes, we forget about the consequences of being too B-U-S-Y.

This is especially so with children. I learned from the Mr Lee Wee Min head honcho of Focus on the Family Malaysia that children spell L-O-V-E as T-I-M-E. I have to confess though that I frequently push this thought aside because there are simply too many things to do, too many places to go.

Even as I stay home to try to spend as much time with my children, things still get in the way. I feel so guilty sometimes. I tried explaining it to one of the young fathers in my home fellowship that being a stay-at-home mum doesn't mean that one is always there emotionally for the children. For me, it has to be a conscious effort on my part to focus on my children and not the next chore.

As Mothers' Day looms near, I need to take stock and re-think of my role as a mother, am I the mother that God wants me to be? Am I the mother that my children need? As I ponder on that, I also need to keep on reminding myself to be mindful of the four letter word, as B-U-S-Y simply means, Being Under Satan's Yoke. And I certainly don't want to be in that position.

Sick!

I just caught a cold, no, no it's not the Swine Flu, or should I use the more politically correct term, H1N1. It's just an ordinary cold with a mild sore throat, low grade fever but I'm bleary eyed and coupled with a runny nose, it's just not a great feeling.

It wouldn't be so bad if it's not also the exam week. On my good days it's already a pain to get them to do their homework and study, but when I'm down with a cold, it just takes misery to a whole new low.

Anyhow, they got through their revision, so they tell me and they are now in bed. I said their prayers with them and warned them sternly if I hear even a peep out of them, I'd switch off the air conditioner (it's an incredibly warm night).

I don't like me when I'm sick, I develop ogre like qualities and I feel and look like the Grouch on Sesame Street! Grrggh!

Learning Languages

Funny how MM and Precious Moment were both talking about learning new languages, I was just online helping another blogger friend with her translation work. She was translating an English Language recipe book into Bahasa Malaysia. Being a non recipe reader, she was finding it tough going. I was glad to help.

This got me thinking. We live in Malaysia, and on any given day, we speak Bahasa Malaysia, English and Mandarin at the same time and we frequently throw in Cantonese, Hokkien or some other dialect for good measure. If one knows Tamil, or Iban or Kadazan then even better.

Growing up in this kind of environment has made me take for granted the wealth of languages my beloved country has. It was when a Japanese lady remarked to me that it constantly amazes her the ease in which Malaysians switch from one language to another, that it hit me, that yeah, we are kind of special that way, aren't we?

So I'm going to do my patriotic duty now and urge everyone to pick up your neighbour's mother tongue. When we seek to learn another's language, we also seek to understand them and their culture at the same time, because you can't separate one from the other. And in my humble opinion, there's no better way to show Christ's love.

Shh! It's a Secret!

If you tell me that, you might as well go ahead and shoot me now! It's agony for me to keep secrets, you'd do better not to tell me anything and just keep me in the dark. But I'd like to think I'm getting better as I grow older; self control is an acquired virtue. Some people are natural clams, me, I have to work at it, real hard!

When I was growing up, I used to report everything that I'd seen and heard to anyone who made the mistake of even feigning interest, much to the chagrin of my family. Apparently I was so good at reporting that I was given a nickname, "RTM" that's Radio Television Malaysia!

When I grew up, I decided that since I'm such a natural in this, I'd just make it my career, and I became a legitimate reporter, first for the print, then as a broadcasting journalist. It was fun, receiving first hand information and then deciding what the public gets to know!

Now that I'm a mother of 3, much older and hopefully wiser, I've grown less inquisitive, no one's complaining though! I'm certainly no clam yet, but with time and practise, God willing, I just might get to hear myself being called a bivalve one day!

Changes

Being too comfortable is a dangerous place to be in; because that's when you get the most upset when something changes the equilibrium.

I have a phlegmatic personality, which means I'm kind of laid back, and dislike challenges and change of any sort. Most of the time, even though I know that the change is good for me and challenges make me grow, my lack of inertia makes me miserable instead of being excited and embracing it like some people do.

But God loves me too much to allow me to stagnate in a place for too long. He sees that there is still much work He needs to do in me. And so God, in His loving way, presents me with challenges that I can't possibly refuse, and He coaxes me to grow. Gently, slowly, but surely, He is shaping me into what He intends for me to be. And I, His child, count it a privilege.

Old Friends

I went for a picnic with my some of my friends and their families today. I have lost touch with some of these friends for about 10 years! It was thanks to Facebook that we got connected again!

It was fun catching up, admiring each other's children and reminiscing about old times. These are friends whom I have known since we were 13 years old! When people ask how tight we were, I used to answer, "we went through puberty together!" Ours was a co-ed school so naturally, our 'gang' was made up of friends of both genders. At that time, being one of the bolder ones, I took it upon myself to 'educate' the boys about girls, and would answer almost any question thrown at me!

We parted ways when the sun was hot and high and when we ran out of drinking water; promising to keep in touch. I went home very tired but wistful about the times we spent together. So when hubby asked what I wanted for dinner, without hesitation, I said, "Taiping food!" I just wanted to linger through my childhood years, just that little bit longer; and nothing does that better than a hot bowl of "Taiping Sar Hor Fun" with a generous dollop of their homemade sambal and a bowl of cool and sweet "Black Sugar". Admittedly, what I can get in KL is far from the real thing, but for the time being, it will have to suffice.

For a little taste of Taiping, go to Restoran LYG Dessert, 41G, Jalan USJ 10/1A, Taipan Business Centre. Or call Mr Loh at -012 3103397/016 6521128